WEEK 13: Financial Challenges in Marriage

Finances can be a big challenge in a marriage relationship.  Both partners come from different upbringings with different financial experiences.  Among other negotiations and compromises, finances and the responsibilities that come with them can be a huge dilemma that couples face in all stages of their married life.  Dr. Paduska, author of Till Debt Do Us Part (2000), identified 6 life cycle stages. 

·       Stage 1:  (age 15-24)  Single, with no children

·       Stage 2:  (age 25-34)  Married or single, with no children or children ages 1-9

·       Stage 3:  (age 35-44)  Married or single, with children ages 10-19

·       Stage 4:  (age 45-54)  Married or single, launching children

·       Stage 5:  (age 55-64)  Married or single, with children launched

·       Stage 6:  (age 65-over)  Married or single, retired  

(p. 194)

With each stage, there are financial obligations that are unique to them.  With each stage, there needs to be a “renegotiating” of responsibilities to accommodate the demands at that time. 

As I am currently in stage 4 (gulp), I have personally experienced the struggles that come with each period.  I am also seeing my children begin on the stages themselves.  I think the hardest part for them is to realize we worked long and hard to get where we are today – in a home, sufficient for our needs, with a little flexibility in the things we can do because of the choices and sacrifices we have made along the way.  Yet they expect to walk out of the house, fresh out of high school, and enjoy all the same comforts, without any of the work. 

I think the hardest stage is the first stage, especially as newlyweds.  My husband and I were both students when we got married and had no money.  Luckily, we also didn’t have any debt at that time.  But we both came from different homes with different philosophies.  His dad was self-employed, so their financial situation varied from year to year, quarter to quarter.  His mom was given an envelope with a specified amount of money in it to cover all expenses for the next 2 weeks.  When the money was gone, she was done spending - she could never ask for more.  She quickly learned to make that money last the two weeks.  But there was a large learning curve.  When we got married, it quickly became clear that this would not work in our relationship.  So we negotiated and figured out what would work for us.  It was very much a team approach, with both of us making decisions and aware of what our financial situation was – which wasn’t hard since we only had pennies to work with. 

By having these lessons early on, and finding a way that worked for us, we were better prepared as we moved through the stages.  We established a good foundation and settled on some patterns that enabled us to survive on what we had.  By the time my husband graduated and started his first, official full-time job, we had 2 kids.  My husband has been blessed with many talents and skills as a mechanic which allowed us to get by with the clunker that got us from point A to point B.  And the handyman skills to do the repairs we needed in our homes.  We were able to buy things cheap, improve them, and sell them to make a profit.  We lived in very humble circumstances as we saved and saved till the day we were able to buy our first home.  Ironically enough, as we have moved up in the ranks with his company, and moved locations, our finances were better, and the houses got bigger.  We grew with our income.  And we are in a position now to enjoy life a little bit. 

I am grateful for a husband who knows the importance of work, and the value of learning skills to take care of what you have.  I am grateful for parents who always encouraged us to save our money.  And I am grateful for a church that encourages us to live within our means. 

President Hinckley, in October 1998 General Conference said, “I urge you … to look to the conditions of your finances. I urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchases to avoid debt to the extent possible. Pay off debt as quickly as you can, and free yourselves from bondage. This is part of the temporal gospel in which we believe.  May the Lord bless you to set your houses in order.  If you have paid your debts, if you have a reserve, even though it be small, then should storms howl about your head, you will have shelter for your [families] and peace in your hearts.”

I know as we follow the prophet, and do our best to live within our means, using discipline and with the companionship of our spouse, we can receive the spiritual and temporal blessings the Lord has for us. 

Hinckley, G. B. (1998). To The Boys and to the Men (November). Ensign.  Retrieved from:  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/to-the-boys-and-to-the-men?lang=eng

Poduska, B. E. (2000). Till Debt Do Us Part. Salt Lake City, UT: Shadow Mountain.

Financing Image retrieved from:  https://www.otacademy.com/article/Top-5-Best-Personal-Finance-Software

Dollar puzzle image retrieved from:  https://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/saving/T023-S002-how-to-simplify-your-finances/index.html

Gordon B. Hinckley image retrieved from:  https://mit.irr.org/pt-br/gordon-hinckley-richard-mouw-e-progresso-eterno