DIVORCE

I have a lot of mixed feelings about divorce.  I grew up surrounded by couples who stayed together, loved each other, worked through their differences, and gave me examples of what a marriage means. 

But my brother, through various choices, ended up getting married to support his pregnant girlfriend.  Their marriage struggled from the beginning.  Fast forward 17 years, and through various incidences, the divorce was finalized.  I saw the heartache and trauma this was on the kids. 

Children who experience parental divorce are prone to a variety of academic, behavior, and emotional problems.  These challenges often persist into adulthood.

Amato, P. (Fall 2005).  The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social and emotional well-being of the next generation.  The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96.

Once they adjusted and worked through the changes, my brother, who has custody of the kids still at home, is stronger and happier, and in a much better place than he was for those 17 years.  And so are the kids.  For them, it was a blessing. 

On the other hand, I am currently serving in the Young Women’s program, and one of my girls is going through the divorce of her parents. 

The process has been going on for more than a year.  The first 6 months the judge asked that both parents stay in the house, and when the custody switch would take place, it meant that one of them left and went and stayed somewhere else, allowing the kids to maintain roots.  But they had to sell the house as part of the divorce proceedings. 

 This girl in my class is facing many of the struggles Amato indicated.  She feels guilty spending time with one and not the other.  The stress she carries on her shoulders is evident in her face.  The whole custody thing has them spending ½ the week with one parent and the other ½ with another, which requires them changing locations on Wednesdays – a difference of 30 minutes.  This is also limiting her ability to establish roots, and her school work and social behaviors are suffering.  I don’t know what happened to the parents (it’s not my business, and I don’t want to know), but it is tearing these kids apart.  The parents are so caught up in how things are affecting them (posts on social media every day), that I don’t think they see it.  I don’t know how to help her.

I am so blessed that I don’t have to face these challenges, and my heart goes out to those that have or are currently facing this battle.  Pray!!!  And ask the Lord for guidance and help as you make these life changing decisions, because these affect many, many lives.