WEEK 11: Sexual Relations

I grew up in a household that never talked about sex.  In fact I was shocked (and naïve) to learn that my parents had sex!  They would kiss and hold hands, but never once did they talk about it or show anything more than that.  I was always taught NO! NO! NO!  And then one day I was married and suddenly it was YES! YES! YES!  That was a hard transition for me.  Although the feelings and emotions were there, and that is what got us through those first few weeks and months, my mind was having a difficult time doing the complete opposite of what I had always been taught.  It was a sacred experience to grow and learn with my husband the powerful (and appropriate) expression of the love and feelings we had for each other

I know I am not alone in this transitional challenge.  I think, within the church society, our approach has changed a bit.  Maybe it is the overabundant and incorrect information provided in the media.  We understand more the importance to talk about the special and sacred experiences you can have as husband and wife.  My husband and I took the approach to teach our kids there was a time and a place.  Someday, that time and place will be amazing and worth the wait. 

LDS psychologist Victor Clines stated, “Sex should be a celebration.  It comes from God.  He created our sexual appetites and natures.  He has ordained us to make love both physically and spiritually.  He is pleased when He sees us bonded together sexually, in love . . . The sexual embrace should never be a chore or a duty, but a loving part of a larger relationship.”  (Cline 39)

Different times in our married life have brought different attitudes to the sacred act.  I really appreciated Sean Brotherson sharing his mother’s answer to what the sexual experience was supposed to be like.  “Sometimes it was fun.  Sometimes it was comforting.  Sometimes it was romantic.  Sometimes it was spiritual.  And sometimes it was just a willingness to love.”  Part of the oneness that we feel when we connect sexually begins by knowing and sensing the additional needs and desires of our spouse.  We need to be sensitive to each other.  We should never let sexual interaction become just another chore in a long list of things to do. 

I have a good friend who, coming home from a long trip, was telling us about how she was worried about getting in so late.  She started running through her routine of getting ready for bed…get into pajamas, brush her teeth, have sex with her husband, say her prayers, go to sleep.  She rattled it off just like that.  Having sex with her husband ranked after brushing her teeth.  We proceeded to talk about how these sexual encounters should be special.  She said her husband expected it every night before she could go to sleep.  He had conditioned her and she was shocked that it might be different for other people. 

Elder Richard G. Scott, in his General Conference Address in April, 2000, stated, “When we were created, Father in Heaven put in our body the capacity to stir powerful emotions . . . the stimulation of those emotions . . . allow a couple to draw close in oneness through the beautiful appropriate expression of these feelings between husband and wife . . .”   I am grateful to my husband for the sensitivity he shows me.  He is patient with me and realizes our needs and approach are different.  He recognizes his intentions need to be beyond his own gratification.  I am glad I get to share this oneness with him.

Cline, V. (1987).  How to Make a Good Marriage Great. Manhattan, NY: Walker & Co.

Brotherson, S.E. (2003). "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage." Meridian Magazine, www.meridianmagazine.com.

Scott, Richard G.  (2000).  “The Sanctity of Womanhood.”  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2000/04/the-sanctity-of-womanhood?lang=eng.