WEEK 4: Excessive Individuality

Many years ago, just a few years after being married, I was visiting with my grandmother at her home.  She and my grandfather did everything together.  They were always helping each other and looking out for one another.  For some reason, my grandmother counseled me that day to always make my family important.  She didn’t understand why so many people insist on looking out only for themselves.  She said the same thing that was said in Elder Bruce C. Hafen’s talk “Covenant Marriage” given in General Conference in October of 1996, given just a few years before. 

“. . . the bonds of kinship and marriage are not valuable ties that bind, but are, instead, sheer bondage. . . The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone.”

This is just one of the three different wolves he described that can rip apart a marriage -excessive individuality.  She said she didn’t understand why women felt the need to have a women’s retreat or a getaway trip.  A family is not a form of bondage or slavery.  At the time, I was still early enough in my marriage, and with only one child to take care of, the thought was not even on my radar. 

Fast forward 20 years, and I have thought countless times that I needed to do something for me (perhaps that is why I am in school right now).  There are definitely times when I need some alone time.  I need a chance to rejuvenate myself.  In my role as a wife, mother, leader, employee, etc. I feel that I am constantly asked to give.  But I can’t keep giving if my well is dry.  So I do know there is a need to fill my bucket so I have something to give.  However, that doesn’t mean I need to be alone or get out. 

I have learned over the years there are many ways we can fill our buckets.  Just today, I took a break from studying and laundry, and went to the temple.  Yes, it may have taken 3 hours of my day – time that I could have spent studying – but it filled my bucket.  There are many times that service fills my bucket as well.  Whether it is serving my family or with my family.  I have also found that I can also have my time for meditating as I drive from place to place.  I can leave the music off and just ponder things, opening my mind and heart to the Spirit.  Or I can listen to general conference talks – even from 10 years ago.  The music and the messages are still powerful and can fill my bucket. 

My place is with my husband and with my family.  I always want them to know they are the most important thing in my life.  Even on the rough days, or when there are 4 snow days right after a 2 week Christmas vacation, and we all seem tired of each other, there is no place I’d rather be.  I am very blessed to be sealed to my family and have the opportunity to spend time with them.